Talk your way into better sex

Communication really is the key to good sex, but for some reason, it doesn’t come naturally to us. As many of us have grown up in a society where sex isn’t really spoken about, telling your partner what you want sexually feels difficult. How many times during foreplay or sex have you internally thought no not there, not that fast, go harder, but have not vocalised it? And how much better would it be if someone actually told you what they wanted from you or wanted to do to you?

Research has shown that better sexual communication is clearly linked to greater sexual satisfaction, which leads to fewer fake orgasms. And it’s not just beneficial to your sex life, it also increases intimacy in your relationship when you open up communication.

So, we know it’s good for you but how do you even begin? It can be intimidating to start so we’ve pulled together some ideas on how to start opening up sexual conversations (and get really turned on in the process).

Sexting

If you’re feeling nervous about starting to talk about what you want, a text message could be a gateway to getting started and a way to build up excitement. Send a dirty message at a random time when you are away from your lover. The surprise will catch them off guard and the anticipation to get back to you will be a huge turn-on. Sending a text will also remove the initial embarrassment you may have.

Tell them about your biggest turn-on

Sit down together and just talk about what you want to do to each other. No touching just talk. You may find out something you didn’t know about your partner as you learn about each other’s turn-ons. Just talking about what you both like is guaranteed to get you in the mood.  

Asking if it feels good

Once you’re delivering on your promises keep up the conversation – does this feel good? Do you want me to keep going? What else do you like? The more questions the better. There’s nothing better than a considerate partner and it removes any awkward internal thoughts – keep communicating. Also, there’s no right or wrong way to do this, just say what feels right to you.

Tell them how it feels

It’s a 2-way street, if you want something at a different tempo or to move into a different area, say it. Also, make sure you let them know it feels good, encouragement is a turn-on.

Talk about it after

I really liked it when you did that, that felt amazing. What a great way to finish on a high and to understand each other’s pleasure more.

Whilst taking the plunge and being open and honest can feel like a huge hurdle to face it really is the only way to improve your sex life and understand each other better. Communicate your way to better sex, you won’t regret it.